March Madness is the time of year when America goes "mad" over its three favorite March-themed pursuits: drinking, gambling, and, to a much lesser extent, College Basketball. Unlike College Football, which commands the same kind of zeal once reserved for religious experiences like vision quests or human sacrifices, nobody seems to give a shit about College Basketball until March Madness rolls around. When it does, the whole world suddenly stops whatever it is doing to fill out a bracket and half-heartedly check the scores of the 500 or so games taking place simultaneously until the team it picked to go all the way is inevitably eliminated in the second round. Then and only then, with the gambling and the basketball out of the way, is it time to focus on the true meaning of March Madness: drinking.
Yes, it is drinking that truly drives us mad in the month of March: between Fat Tuesday (this year, at least), Parade Day, St. Patrick's Day, and the tournament, any acts of "madness" can surely be written off as symptoms of the DTs. In order to ward them off, enjoy a Goose Island 312 Urban Wheat... at 4.2% ABV, it's enough to stave off "the horrors" while subtly reconditioning you for your inevitable return to polite society sometime in the month of April. As an American Pale Wheat Ale, its citrus notes will keep you looking forward to the sunny days to come while its crisp hoppy notes will remind you that you're not out of the woods yet. Enjoy it as you watch someone far more athletic and disciplined than you try to toss a ball into a basket while you think, "I could do that."
Is that all that drives us mad in March? Surely not...in that case, do we dare to ask why we are mad in March? (We dare to ask it indeed for two reasons: 1, because we never back down from a dare, and B, because we can't think of any other way to end this ramble) We are mad in March because the spring can't get here fast enough; we are mad in March because the winter won't leave; we are mad in March because we drank too much; we are mad in March because we can never drink enough; we are mad in March because we bet the mortgage on a longshot that came up short; we are mad in March because we didn't have the money to place a bet at all; we are mad in March because we have been stuck indoors too long; we are mad in March because the only thing we really want to do is watch TV; we are mad in March because our favorite team was eliminated; we are mad in March because we don't give a fuck about basketball, and it's on every television in every bar in America for the next two and a half weeks.
See you on the flip side.